Too Obscure For You?

Nick Diamond and Johnny Gomez are the fictional color commentators for the MTV show Celebrity Deathmatch. In its prime, Celebrity Deathmatch would feature clay-animated versions of your favorite movie and TV stars, battling each other in many creative, disgusting ways. It was a fantastic show, mainly because I have such a loathing for America’s “star” culture. You can imagine the unpleasantness I wish upon the creators of “American Idol,” the show where young people have their dreams crushed on TV because they’re not popular and non-threatening enough. It’s like everybody’s worst memories of high school, where the winner gets fame and stardom (maybe) and the losers star in 1-800-COLLECT commercials.

You might think I’m insinuating a rather racy relationship between Lyssie and Kavian, but in all reality I’m not. She’s five years younger than him, and lives in a separate room in the Lake house. That’s all you’re getting for now. (Remember that Kavian’s drunk in the seventh frame, which is why he’s singing. Or failing to sing, depending on your taste.)

That clarification aside, my two celebrities are none other than Martha Stewart, hosting the cooking show that Kavian and Janus are (bizarrely) engrossed in, and Bill Gates circa the early 80’s. That’s our, uh, protagonist, rewriting history in this medieval fantasy world by preemptively purchasing DOS. Would things in the computing world turn out differently if the Villain had control of that famous command line? Probably not, methinks.